so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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