Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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