Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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