I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
