When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
