Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
