I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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