Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
