I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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