i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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