Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
