i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
