hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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