I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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