i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
