I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
