Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
