"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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