i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
