Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
