I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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