After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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