I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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