I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
