i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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