Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
