i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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