I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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