There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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