please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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