I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's blow job season.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
