it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
