Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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