Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
There r osticjed everywhere
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
