Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
