i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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