I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
