I like my sex mixed with concussions.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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