I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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