my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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