Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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