dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
