I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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