please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
