someone get that fucking seahorse.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Mom said you looked used
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
