you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Randomize
