Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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