we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Couch. On fire.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
