please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
