I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
