Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
and you fell through a lawn chair
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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