Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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