My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
