i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
