would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
